Ego Death

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Ego Death

Sermon for MCC New Haven

March 22, 2015

Rev. Brian Hutchison, M.Div.

Jeremiah 31:31-24

John 12:20-33

As the weeks of Lent pass by, we get closer and closer to Holy Week. Next Sunday is Palm Sunday when we remember Jesus entering triumphantly into Jerusalem on a donkey, mocking Roman authority. We will remember Holy Thursday when Jesus breaks bread with his disciples and washes their feet in an act of complete humility. We will remember Good Friday when officials of the Roman Empire executed Jesus publicly because they saw him as a threat to their rule. And then we will finally celebrate Easter Sunday when Jesus’ family of choice finds his tomb empty, that Jesus has transformed from body to Eternal Spirit, the Risen Christ.

In the Gospel reading from John that we hear today, Jesus seems to know his fate. He had just resurrected Lazarus from the dead- the one he loved so dearly. Word had spread widely about what he had done, so many flocked to him. John wrote that some Greeks wanted to see him. Remember how Jesus had told Philip and Andrew to “Come and see” when Jesus first recruited them. Perhaps these pagan Greeks wanted to become disciples of Jesus. But they did not know what they would have to give up in order to follow him.

Jesus tells them that like a seed planted in the ground, he must die. But then like a sprout of wheat, he will be transformed to bear abundant fruit. He also says that when he is “lifted up,” he will draw everyone to himself. We can look forward in the story and take Jesus’ words at face value as a prediction of events to come: the Resurrection and the Ascension. But there is a much deeper meaning here that has to do with the individual and communal lives of us all.

All of us go through life transformations. Some of us come out as LGBT or as allies of the Queer community like Lazarus from the stinky tomb. Some of us enter relationships and may get married. Others leave relationships and divorce. Some of us give birth to or adopt children. We gain and lose friends throughout our lives. People we love die. We face health challenges. We move to different places and may buy a house. We retire and face the challenges of old age. All of these things are the substance of life. They are all part of a birth, death, and rebirth process. After a loss, we grieve, and then we are reborn stronger on the other side of the valley. In Eastern religions such as Hinduism, the cycles of life continue through reincarnation. And in Christianity, we affirm that when our physical bodies die, our spirits are reborn into Eternal Life. Life is cyclical. It is a great and wondrous circle. In the life of God, you and I have always existed and we will always exist. Death is but an illusion.

ACIM says, “In time we exist for and with each other. In Timelessness we coexist with God.” We are afraid to die because our brains only remember back to our childhood. We don’t often remember existing before birth. As a small child, I remember sitting in my favorite spot under the record player in the dining room. There was a space where my four-year-old body could barely fit. But I would sit in there and do what I would now consider meditation. Nobody taught me to do this; it just came naturally. It was in those moments that I felt complete inner peace and joy. I felt that I could remember in my spirit being with God before entering my physical body. Even though I could no longer see God, I knew in those holy moments that God was still with me.

Remember that Jesus said, “Whoever serves me must follow me. Wherever I am, there my servant will also be.” This doesn’t just mean that if we believe in Jesus, we will go to heaven when we die. It also means that even in this very moment, the Spirit of Christ is with us. In our darkest moments of despair and rage, Spirit is with us. In our times of great celebration, Christ parties with us. In our times of waiting on life to move forward, God paces back and forth with us. Through all the cycles of life in this world and the next, we are never alone.

Sometimes we do feel alone though. Especially the socially marginalized feel loneliness. LGBT youth commit suicide at alarmingly higher rates than their peers. The mentally ill are cast out on the streets to lives of fending for their lives. Even though Jim Crow signs saying “Whites Only” have long been taken down from public spaces, people of color are still made to not feel welcome in many places. Loneliness is a pandemic- one that requires great healing.

This is where our work begins. Since 1968, Metropolitan Community Churches have provided a sense of community for LGBT folks who had nowhere to fit in. We should not take that for granted. Our churches have saved countless lives from physical death and spiritual harm. That is why we continue to meet here in New Haven, even though we are a relatively small group. What we do matters. Preaching the Gospel of the Unconditional Love of God is life-changing work that we will continue to do as long as we can.

The remedy for devastating loneliness is found in today’s scripture. Jesus says in all of the Gospels, “Those who love their lives will lose them, and those who hate their lives in this world will keep them forever.” Now don’t misunderstand- Jesus is not telling us to live miserable lives with no pleasure or joy. To find the deeper meaning, we look to the Greek word translated here as “life.” The word is “psyche.” We know this word as it is used today in psychology. But at the time the Gospels were written, it meant “spirit.” Your psyche is your life essence, what your personality is made of.

So with that understanding, what is Jesus demanding of us to follow him? I identify the psyche in two parts: the ego false self and the beloved true self. Plato originally defined it this way. This is also the way ACIM defines the self. According to these sources, God did not create the ego; rather we create the ego out of fear. We perceive a scary and dangerous world that can damage our spirits, so we build up the ego as a defense. I believe that as a child, I stopped sitting under the record player to commune with God when I chose to form an ego instead. I bet you did the same. The true self is what God created within us and it cannot be destroyed, though it can be hidden.

Jesus tells us that we cannot hold onto our egos if we want to follow him. We cannot live in fear, guilt, shame, hatred, or selfishness if we want to be God’s friend. God will delete the ego’s friend request! But a friend request from the true self is not even needed, because it has been a part of God for Eternity.

Toltec Spiritual Teacher Don Miguel Ruiz tells this story: A Native American grandfather was speaking to his grandson about violence and cruelty in the world and how it comes about. He said it was as if two wolves were fighting in his heart. One wolf was vengeful, resentful, and angry, and the other wolf was understanding and kind. The young man asked his father which wolf would win the fight in his heart. And his grandfather answered, “The one that will win will be the one I choose to feed.” The bad wolf is the ego and the good wolf is the true self. Could you imagine the kind of transformation the world would go through if we all chose to feed the good wolf?

But we all know the ego does not die easily. We have lived with our egos our whole lives and we have come to befriend them because we think they protect us. They’re like those friends we know we shouldn’t associate with because they are a bad influence but we keep them around anyway. So how can the ego die? Certainly not from attacking it because the ego will just play victim. Not through exorcism as some traditions attempt to do because of the false belief that a demon has entered a person. The answer is simple, but complex: Put complete trust in God.

Various spiritual traditions describe the moment of trusting God in different ways. Roman Catholics might call it mystical communion with God or transcendence through prayer. Evangelical Christians call it “getting saved” by accepting Jesus as Lord and Savior and rejecting Satan. Jewish practitioners of Kabbalah call it relationship with Infinity (Ein Sof). Buddhists call it Enlightenment through meditation and letting go of attachment to the world. Sufis in Islam call it “repairing the heart” through doing a meditative whirling dance. New Thought practitioners like myself call it Metaphysics- contemplating reality versus non-reality. Whatever you call it, this different way of being in the world is rooted in the absolute trust in the God of your understanding.

I intentionally chose “I Surrender All” for us to sing today because the song demonstrates what is required for us to ascend to new heights in life. We must surrender all of our fears, regrets, and grudges in order to fully commune with God. We should keep driving our own lives, but must also trust Jesus to take the wheel. Giving our lives to God is not just an evangelical thing. Finding ourselves within the Life of God is what it means to follow Jesus.

One of the best ways to commune with God is to commune with the most marginalized in society. Remember that Matthew 25:40 says, “Whatever you did for the least of these my siblings, you did it unto me.” So share a meal with a homeless person. Tell a fearful LGBT youth how to join community where they will be fully accepted and celebrated. Affirm a transgender person in their transition process. Vote for immigration reform that will welcome the stranger. Humble yourself by making a donation to the church or to a charity. All of these actions cultivate Christ-Consciousness instead of ego-unconsciousness.

Philosophers and theologians have debated for millennia on how to kill the ego. Some in the 1960s tried to do so through use of LSD. They felt separated from the ego and on some plane at one with All Life, but when the high ended, the ego was still there. No drug or pill can reduce the ego. And nothing you can do can kill it in an instant. Salvation from the ego is a life-long process, from one moment to the next.

But thank God, we are never alone on the journey. As the voice of God said through the voice of the prophet Jeremiah, “I will put my Instructions within them and engrave them on their hearts. I will be their God and they will be my people.” We are indeed God’s beautiful Queer people- saving each other from loneliness and despair, and communing with God at greater heights each and every day. May the dead seed of your ego sprout into a magnificent plant that bears much fruit. And so it is. Amen.